Thursday, March 3, 2011


I just got an email from the people that I auditioned with a few months ago (read story below) and I actually got asked back to be an EXTRA. I never would have guessed that in a million years. It's hilarious, absolutely hilarious.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011


Today I had one of those experiences that you look forward to forgetting sometime down the road, but you know deep down you never will.

Well, two weeks ago I got a call back for an audition I had submitted to play a part in. It wasn't something I was ecstatic about, but it sounded intriguing, so I signed up for an audition time. It couldn't be that hard right? Plus, if I showed up to meet with them then I would have a chance to drop off my sample work for script supervising, which is a job that I do get ecstatic about.

Lucky for me, my husband is a director and his best friend is an actor, so I had good and kind help preparing for it. We read, shaped, and sculpted my part to perfection. And truly, when I left the door to go to this audition I was as calm as day and actually thought that this audition was going to be fun.

Driving...I was fine. Walking in...fine. Signing in and getting my picture taken...still fine. Going to the bathroom...just fine. Then a man stood in the hallway and called my name. I got up walked down the hall...fine. Then I walked into the heart started beating faster. Not so bad at first, I sensed it but figured it would go away in a minute. The casting director talked to me briefly, chatted about my name saying the same thing everyone says when they hear it for the first time, "What an interesting name." I smiled and told her "I got lucky I guess." She returned my comment with a weird look that I couldn't place. She then told me where to stand and to say my name to the camera, which I did. Then she sat down to start reading the lines with me. At this moment a 100 mile per hour gust of fear slammed into me and knocked me breathless. Truly breathless. My chest tightened as it fought for more oxygen and my throat felt as though an invisible ghost had its hands securely wrapped around my neck.

So I did all I could do in the moment, attempt to take a few weak breaths before I began and get on with what I came to do. She began her lines and I followed with mine. I didn't get very far though because soon after beginning I ran completely out of air and began gasping. I think I frightened her. You may use your imagination as much as you like to see how I got my breath back, because I can't remember how it all happened. Finally I did get it back though and gathered any little shattered bits of courage left around me to stand in front of the camera and start over again. The look on her face: "This girl is pathetic." I tried not to think about her disgust and began again. I finished, thankfully, but not graciously. The woman directed me, telling me to calm down, and play the role differently. I was able to change the tone of the role, but no matter how hard I tried I could not win the battle with the choking fear, it was hopeless.

At the end of the second round she sighed, somewhere between the emotion of frustrated and disgusted, and then walked to her desk and said, "Well...thanks for taking time to come out here and do this." But I was looking into her eyes and they read, "You're wasting my time, get out of here." So I did.

I walked out of the building thrilled as can be that I was finally out of that horrible room. I drank the fresh air in like a cool glass of water. All the pretty plants, trees and flowers around me seemed to say, "It's OK, you're with us now, we love you."

And then it came, my epiphany. Somehow, by the grace of God I'm sure, I was able to see and believe in myself entirely. I knew I was capable of doing anything I wanted. It isn't failure or incapability that stops me, it's fear. I thought back to each of the things I was confident in and realized that they had all come after a distinct and brutal battle with cruel fear. The best part of this realization- that this mean throat choking fear monster can be defeated, and I have done it before. long as I keep trying, I become more free. Free to dream and become as I please.

Like I said, this audition was one of those nightmares that I wish I could someday forget, but I never will, and I guess I'm glad.

Saturday, April 24, 2010



(This story is an example of the random train of thoughts that a boring job can take you down)

Today in the lunch line a teacher came through and she said, “I got the salad, but I really want a hash brown too. I don't have to pay for that do I? It's just a little hash brown.” Her face scrunched up in a pout and she suddenly looked injured. “It’s so cold out side…I just want one little hash brown.” I told her “sure” and we went into the kitchen. I pointed to the hash browns and asked her to pick which one she wanted because my hands were dirty. As she reached for the hash brown she sadly expressed her need for the extra item. When she put it on her plate she then pointed down and said, “Now doesn’t that look so much better?” She walked away with a solemn thank you and went to eat her lunch in the teacher’s lounge.

I stared after her in thought. How interesting. Why did she feel like she could only get what she wanted by trying to make people feel sorry for her?

That thought reminded me of a movie I watched last night called Roshomon. It’s about the trial of the murder of a man. With four people who witnessed the murder and testified with their own version of the story. All four testimonies were drastically different from one another. Each person bearing a strong conviction of his or her innocence and bravery. The trial ended and then shortly after we learned the true story through a man who saw the murder but wasn’t involved. It turns out everyone mostly told the truth but lied about his or her role in the situation to initiate pity from the judge, all in the pursuit of protecting their name.

Then that thought made me think of a conversation I had with a man named Brent Hatch. He’s the father of McKay Hatch, president of the “No Cussing Club.” Brent mentioned that another local newspaper wrote about his son’s club. The article was demeaning and misinformed, with an attack on the whole Hatch Family. I told him, "The news lies, I don’t know what I can believe anymore.” Brent laughed and said, “People see what they want to see. Just take everything you hear with a grain of salt.” After we talked I wondered, “Why is drama more important to the press than truth? Of"

As I continued working in the lunchroom this question from Sunday came back to me and then I remembered something Mitt Romney said in his book “No Apology.” He was talking about personal freedoms that America stands for. One example was Freedom of Press. He told a story of when he and his wife attended the Olympic Opening Ceremonies in Beijing. He said:

“The audience warmly welcomed every national team as it was introduced into the stadium, but the Chinese gave some of their loudest cheers to the teams from North Korea and Cuba. We wondered how it was possible that nations ruled by tyrants who deprive their citizens not only of freedom but also of economic substance could be celebrated. The explanation of course is that the Chinese people don’t see media reports of North Korea’s population being starved to feed the maniacal military ambition of Kim Jong-il or of Castro jailing dissidents who advocate freedom and democracy. The Chinese people receiving only glowing accounts of these tyrants; their information is shaped by a monolithic government rather than by the varied perspectives of the free press.”

Earlier on he also states, “There is no First Amendment Freedom of Press in China. The media is prohibited from criticizing certain Communist Party Officials- those who do may lose their jobs or be imprisoned.”

So then I thought, yeah, some stories of “The Hatch Family” are lies, but a lot of people and press support them too. People have a choice, they may believe as they wish, and that's part of being an American.

So then I thought of our First Amendment. It's like a balance scale, opportunity on one side and responsibility on the other. The press is authorized to print what they want, but the power of their influence gives them a responsibility to do their job well and get the information right. It seems that many people want the privileges without the responsibilities. They've forgotten- freedom means sacrifice.

Which made me think...I want to try harder. I can make a difference too.

And then I thought, "How did I get on this topic?"

Monday, January 11, 2010


I’ve just returned from the Utah snow, as of last weekend, and the warm January air here in Cali seems more like springtime. Cold winters in Utah begin exciting but wind up lingering on until every resident is desperately hoping and aching for the earth to come alive again. And finally when spring comes the frozen turns soft, the brown turns green, the grey turns blue, the silence turns to song, and each soul is carried into a temporary realm of ecstasy.

Today I was working, standing outside at the cash register and although I was in the shade I could feel the warm sunshine gently seeping into my bones. Ahead, coming through the gates was the sound of a neighbor mowing his lawn. The air was fragrant with new growth and humidity. It all swept me away and took me back to the beginning of my life to visit the wonder of springtime as a three year old. I could hear my father mowing the lawn. The warm sun was pouring into all the windows of the house. My mother’s eyes looked happy and rested now that the back door was free to let her little ones out. Life was free and open to do anything I wished. My only job was simply to enjoy it all. I stood at the top of the stairs considering what to do next. The sun shining through the windows persuaded me to go outside and watch my father. I went out the front door and the warm sun folded itself around my skin and into my hair. The smelled grass was sweet and damp... just like today.

Ahhh, memories.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


We went to the PUMPKIN PATCH to pick out our favorite pumpkins.



We went shopping for all the goodies to make HAUNTED MANSIONS.
-chocolate graham crackers
-reeses pieces candy
-candy corn/candy pumpkins
-trick or treat mix (witches, skeletons, pumpkins)
-black licorice

Frosting Recipe:
2 cups powdered sugar
1 cup melted butter
6 egg whites
2 tsp. vanilla
1 tsp. cream of tartar.
-Beat 10 minutes
-Split mixture in half and put in separate bowls
-Add and mix black food coloring to one half and orange to the other.

(we learned that doubling the walls up makes it so everything doesn't come crashing down. Just put frosting in between 2 crackers when you double them up.)





And then we watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas."

Thursday, July 9, 2009


Her wonderful husband and amazing children.  She's been blessed with a great family. 

Standing under a street lamp in the middle of a misty night and watching the snow fall.
 This girl has the coolest snow globe collection.


Watching her kids have fun together.

Bright colors, polka dots, and mixing patterns.  Paisley seems to be popular these days :)

This ones for you too Winnie

STRIPES!  Definitely sisters :)

Taking moments to enjoy being a wife and mother, and realize how fun it is to be so in love with her little family.

This one is for you Whitney

Watching the sun rise and set while holding the ones she loves.

Rainbows and airplanes.  
Click here to read about her movie Flyabout. 

Going out with her Hubby.

Hearing the laughter of little children, especially when they are playing in her back yard.

Here's a second one for you Toni.


Shoes too!  But I think her boot collection rates #1

I know you said jackets, but I got on your blog the other day and I realized you love EVERYTHING that you can make beautiful.  If any of you don't know about Merrilee you should take a peek here at her blog- she's amazing.

 Fresh baked bread and butter.


Thursday, June 11, 2009


L  O  V  E ?