You and Me

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

MOMMY LOVE

Blush Photography

Piper Pix Photography

CC's Jewelry

Piper Pix Photography

Blush Photography

Piper Pix Photography

Blush Photography

Jordanzphotozz

Jordanzphotozz

THE BIRTH OF A MOTHER

I had a mission call to serve in Bucharest Romania. Each night that brought me closer to May 16th, my departure date, my dreams carried me into a world where I was taking care of a baby girl. The dream would involve me living in the single young adult world and realizing I had to start my life with this child somewhere else. Sometimes the dream would take place in an apartment full of roommates who were mad at the baby's crying, and sometimes it would be in Romania as a missionary walking the streets with a pack of missionary supplies on my back and a baby in my arms. The one constant in every dream was my reaction. I knew exactly what I needed to do and I didn't hesitate, I began a new life with her.

Just weeks before May 16th came I unexpectedly fell in love, and instead of leaving for Romania I got engaged and then married. We had a five year wait plan for having children. One and a half months later I was pregnant. As shocking as it was I wasn't surprised. This child had been trying to send me a message long before it was even a possibility.

The pregnancy ended up being high risk, which led to an induced labor that lasted 36 hours and turned into an emergency c-section.

I lay there on the thin white table with Robert holding my left hand and my mother holding my right. A white sheet rose up from my ribs blocking my view from the surgery. I cranked my head up and to the side so I could see my husband. I was scared. Even though his skin was pasty white and I could hear him panting behind his little mask he still managed to encourage and convince me everything would be OK. Both of us waited like that, carrying out our panting panic attacks, while we listened to the doctor announce the details of her new pregnancy to the surgery team, and watched my mother ooh and ah at all the intricate details of how someone might go about cutting her grandchild out of her daughter's uterus.

A weight lifted and the doctor laughed, "You have a beautiful little red headed girl!" I closed my eyes and tried to picture her, also wondering how a dark brunette and a light brunette could make a red. I felt a sudden ache in my chest for her and for the first time wished I could see behind the curtain. I could feel her though. She felt like a ball of energy in the center of the room spreading her strength out further and further. Then the feeling came in through my heart and wrapped itself around my body. A warm bright light poured through my veins and I felt everything inside me change into something greater and more powerful that I could ever become on my own. I became a mother.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

MAMMA VS MITES

ALLERGIES. The word that my world is revolving around. Every morning when I wake up I have a headache, and it's throughout my whole head- even face and neck. There is this specific sharp pain I get on the left side of my brain, and it's awful! I take a deep breath and it burns all the way down through my itchy throat and congested nose. Then I open my eyes and they burn so bad it feels like a handful of sand has been thrown in them, so I rub them and it feels SO GOOD! But when I pull my hands away I see 2 things: more eyelashes have fallen out from the rubbing, and my fingers have goop on them again from my eyes draining. Not to mention the vertigo I've had for the past month from an inner ear infection and the pressure pain in my ears from the outer ear infection that my doctor refuses to give me an antibiotic for. The call from a warm shower and my Allegra pills are the only 2 things that have the power to drag me out of bed. And that is how I start each day.

One day I woke up, anxious for my shower and pill- even though I knew they would only take the edge off- and I had an epiphany. I looked down at my limp victimized body and then stared at the invisible air, my captor. "I'm stronger, bigger, and smarter than you!" I yelled with all my heart. "And I'm going to defeat you!"

The next few hours were spent on the Internet researching the enemy and learning how to destroy them. First thing was first though- I had to kill the leader of them all, then I would deal with the little guys. So I focused on dust because that is what I'm most allergic to. Here are some photos I found about the enemy that lives in the dust-

This is what happens: Dust has dust mites, the disgusting critters above, and they are EVERYWHERE, including but not limited to: curtains, carpet, bedding, clothing, towels, car interiors, and our skin. They are the part of the dust that causes the allergies, well it's not exactly the mite, it's their feces- disgusting huh. The overwhelming part is that the mites are impossible to get rid of, but there is a means to fighting their left-overs, and living with these eight legged creatures in peace. So I began my attack.

1. Thought of a creative way to convince my kindergarten daughter that sterilizing the house in an exciting thing to do for spring break.

2. Took down the curtains and washed them in hot water. (The "dry-clean only" ones surprisingly came out of the washer and dryer looking great- despite their warning.)

3. Washed all the bedding in hot water. I am going to do this every week from now on.

4. Bought a new filter for my vacuum and gave the carpet an intense cleaning. I will get it professionally cleaned as soon as the tax return comes and I am done with all the deep cleaning.

5. I'm still washing all the windows, including all the metal and runners.

6. I'm still washing all the walls.

7. I will start dusting all the solid furnishings when I'm done with the walls.

8. I detail cleaned my car inside and out.

9. I use an air purifier at night when I sleep.

It's been a busy week and my kids are losing patience with my mad mission. However...I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! And my house smells really yummy! Hopefully I can make it up to the kids soon.

p.s. I can see now why people with large homes hire out for deep cleaning.

Monday, March 30, 2009

BABY STEPS

Today I watched a little girl stumble across the church gym as she practiced her newest endeavor- walking. With her arms extended forward and her eyes focused, she lifted each leg, knees going as high as her waist, and then plummeted them back down. Were it not for her auburn hair and little porcelain face she would have looked like a marching zombie. Every few steps she stumbled, then she would catch herself or fall all the way down. Her eyes never changed though. They stayed fixed and determined straight ahead of her, willing her back up with each stumble. Around and around the gym she went, marching forward with all her effort. Her courage, her determination, and her ignorance to anyone who might be viewing her imperfect performance told me that she wanted something and she believed in it- and that was all that mattered.

Later this evening I was reading "The Screwtape Letters" and I read this quote-

"He (God) wants them to walk and must therefore take away His hand, and if only the will to walk is really there He is pleased even with their stumbles."

Friday, March 13, 2009

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GRANDMA

Dear Grandma,

My heart is full - I love you so much. Thank you for being my Grandma. Last week when Dad called to tell me about your surgery not going well and the heart attack that followed I got on my knees intending to beg God for a recovery. But as soon as I bowed my head I began to sob. My heart was spilling over with love for you and all I could think was "She is such a good Grandma." All of my memories with you came to me and I wept with happiness. Each memory was sweet and simple, just like you. I have never experienced gratitude at that level before- for anything, and perhaps if you combined all the times in my life that I felt gratitude they would still not equal what I felt that night.

You taught me that every moment in time we are making a mark in life, instilling impressions and memories to leave as our legacy. And of all the things that we could be in life none of them really matter unless we know how to love. The love you shared made your passing a beautiful celebration of life. Thank you for leaving with me only good memories and a lot to live up to. When I shared this with my mother she said, "She taught us how to live and she taught us how to die."

Happy 81st Birthday Grandma! I love you.

Autumn

Many Memories of You...

Your Favorite Color, Baby Blue

The sound of your slippers sliding on my parents floor.

Your happy love for chocolate.

Our Doris Day Marathons

Stories about Grandpa

Your work as a machinist for Hill Air Force Base

Watching you run out of the house every time a jet flew over head, then hearing you call out what kind of plane and engine it was.

Your love for dancing.

Your favorite treat growing up: hot bread out of the oven, then spread cream from the cows milk over the top.

Your favorite time of year at the farm: Spring, when all the world came to life and the baby animals were born on your farm.

My first memory of you. I was 3 or 4, you helped my mom in with her groceries. You pulled out the bologna to put it away and I asked you what it was. You told me what it was and we laughed at how gross all the specks looked in the meat.

The bottle of pickles you gave me every year at Christmas.

The family Easter Egg hunt and baseball game we played on Easters at the farm.

Making Thanksgiving dinners with you and Mom.

Your unconditional love for the Utah Jazz.

The time I was at your house and I had a tooth ache. You warmed a potato, wrapped it in a cloth and held it up to my cheek.

You using WD-40 for soar joints, and many other interesting home remedies.

The many superstitions you lived by.

Your hours spent on crossword puzzles and solitaire.

The little porcelain dolls you tucked into your bed every day.

My last conversation with you. We were in the temple sealing room waiting for Winter and Casey to come in to get married. I was coughing. You turned around and whispered, "Do you want a cough drop sweetheart? I think I've got one in my jacket in the hallway." Then you took my hand and led me out to your jacket, fished through your pockets and pulled out a Halls. You opened my hand and placed the cough drop in, smiled up at me, then grabbed my other hand and walked me back to the sealing room.